Community Poem June 2025

Proper Silly Bollocks

My whole existence is flawed
Dreams are shit mate! (whilst squatting)
Memory remembers to forget what it knew
I’ve been learning to swim on Duolingo
I like a man with appropriate legs
I watched a woman on the bus finish reading, then fold up her book in bubblewrap
I keep manifesting my cat can talk
I’m late diagnose awesome (spin around)
But first, I need a wee
It wasn’t clear if I followed through
luckily, we don’t have a blame culture

They scraped me off the pavement and put the finest dancing shoes on me
Hey now, you’re an all star, get your game on, go play
Ra ra ah-ah-ah, ram-ah, ra-ah-ah, gaga oo-la-la, want your bad romance

I’m chopping carrots in the kitchen
Thinking about the small tragedy of the wrong-flavoured icecream
Imagining playing cluedo, but all the murder weapons are seashells
What would nanny plum do?
Don’t compromise when you can be comfortable, she’d say
the black mould on your rented bedroom wall whispers and sings you lullabies of decay

Oh, to be a dog with it’s head out the car window
Oh, how much of something do you read before it becomes a collection?
Oh,  I birthed my orange cat
Oh, how I love my cat lalalalala ok ok ok ok ok
Oh, if you pass me the crisps, you won’t get a kiss
Oh, this is proper silly bollocks.

Lines donated by the audience at the May Satellite

A splash of water awakens my soul,
You can’t control the bird song,
How does your garden grow?
The grass eats my soul.

Charged for an uber which didn’t arrive.
When she came, She made no sound…
Do you like my bracelet it says boobs?

Sometimes Mario needs a power up to defeat Bowser, Sometimes it’s shrooms.

I refuse to improve my handwriting
The world needs more shit love poems
Wash out your mouth with words

Freya is a Cunty Gorl (Gru)
It gets me every time
H-O-T-T-O-G-O

I often wonder what would happen if all poetry was shit?
How much misery can an audience take before laughing?
I’m really sorry for your pain But it made great art.

I have scheduled my mental breakdown
for September, there will be a day, a night, and a …

The power to put words into someone else’s mouth.
When I see a women I give them a standing ovulation.

Get out of my swamp!
Put your butt to the moon,
Fuck the patriarchy.

Can I be a chicken tender? I hardly know her.
Why was university not like pitch perfect?
I want a hot ginger in my shower!

Starships are meant to fly
Who knew pasta was so sapphic and sexy?
Alan, let us know who you are!
Then write a poem or piss off.

I’m in love with Bradley Taylor!

May your microphone stand never be flacid!
Your favourite dinosaur is wrong
If I was a dog what kind would I be?
Unsettled, bloated but content-ish
Bee’s Be buzzing, rainbows be raining, ‘What a pain it is to be alive’
YAH thank fuck for aspirin 
Lemon, banana, egg yolk, sunflower sunshine, hay, butter, cornflakes
Match latte tastes like grass and I love grass
Wicked and glad
Which hole did all these yellow Tories (Lib Dem) crawl out of
Oh for fuck sake, was it right or left Nigel (Shouted)
My my my. Aren’t you a lovely recession indicator
Cut it with 100% endurance
John Titch the halfwit leaning
Who the fuck is Alan?
I love you 
O temptress, let me lay flowers at your feet
But cut your fucking toenails
Rock
Jesus walked on liquid butter
Fell like tears of a dying god
I’m starting to use the (gaeilge) word Ispint for sausages. 
Every word of Irish is a bullet back to the (Brits- crossed out) coloniser
Your skin on mine feels like…
Like smoke curling up from the hollow anus of a recently cremated badger
I really hoped I wouldn’t lose hope

Helen Sheppard Reads The Community Poem