(Shouted) Derek! They’ve stolen the geraniums again that’s the biggest I’ve ever seen You’ve snatched the world up of precious solitude which you have been craving for so long and realised it was in fact loneliness A life of collaborative A Level anxiety
Isn’t it rude to leave at the interval after you’ve read every fucking time leaving behind nothing but the faint whiff of an old fart? Liberation for Palestine is liberation for us all. Ask yourself what you are doing at this moment If I hadn’t written this would have you? I spent the day horizontal in the park
Please improvise this line and don’t just read out this To be cringe is to be free, apart from if you’re me right now in this exact situation There is nothing so bloody wonderful as genuine warmth and encouragement, and there is so much love here Rim Tim Tag I dim But to see you again would destroy the memory Marz
We’re 8 people sat on a boat, human connection is rare and very needed today, I received it here. Alarmingly dysfunctional, I can only just hold conversations with people that are as socially inept as I am. Henry sucky so good, I’m a psychoactive toad baby, lick me all over and see infinity. Elizabeth whiskers the tuxedo cat, but Pablo stole the show- If all the world’s a stage what did they build this stage for? Tiny terrapin laughs at the pink moon. Cortisol and hormones flood my mind, intoxicating blend of work and age and busy brain, exploding in productivity- 5-7-5 right? Was that enough syllables? Fuck it, never mind. Stick it in the fuck it bucket! Ho you can court me in my pantoum. My humps, my humps, my humpy humpy humps, check it out. I like flowers they look cool. Sick sleazy silk socks eat; but the other way around. I eat black holes for breakfast, sausage a plenty, discarded apple core, a porridge-thick sickly sticking- For the love of cider! There’s always free cheddar in the mousetrap – Tom waits. Satellite of Love No trigger warnings for you you only bring joy.
You know it’s bad when you consider turning to religion…
And now I will start a new, fresh poem! This one is called:
As it turns out, defenestrating a politician is less impressive when their office is on the ground floor
Two tines of a plastic fork buried in the ground like some long in the root horse tooth
So what should we have for dinner tonight? ……. Dunno! What are you feeling? ….. Sigh. A daily struggle we have to daily decide. Guess we’re having nothing then. Oh, gimme a J20. Make it two please
I write my name on the gravy train as stars cascade into crushing crescendos I always tell the stars but I’m silent on you I’ve spent far too long in the fast lane, feeling all the bumps
Next door the accountants are saying: ‘people who speak of their emotions feel nothing’ and weeping silently into their spreadsheets
Gays slay the day away Be your own best mate! This is a very good night honestly Dream if you wanna go vaster
Slightly damp smelling but passionate, floating but not going anywhere Help! I’ve turned into a sentient boat. This isn’t part of the poem! Help I’m possessing the speaker of this poem! I’m so wet! I’m a boat! Help! I’ve realised how terrifying it is to be in the water
What is time but a cold slime on the sea Cow Girl!
I want to make a dress out of the razzle-dazzle spaghetti behind me Hair greasy, shines like the tinsel behind me The glitter screen is losing strands amidst the ear-splitting whoops
It is very important to use the twisty thing at the bottom to adjust the mic stand Touch it. Touch the mic Flex like Flex like Alex He struggles to lift his weights. But I’ve got hubris to keep me in shape A deep squat, deeper still becomes a sit
What if these clothes are my flesh and I have just broken the no-nudity rule?
I’ve been sat behind this guy for hours now, wonder what his name is?
Brush the air with words and make some rain only to spiral down like sycamore seeds over dosing on angst – therapy poetry! With a fuck or two you – strangled by shouts swap one self for another who? Mike, he said it
one day will be the last time you see yourself in the mirror my own one man show do not adjust the mike it’s fucked he sipped and sipped, gently, satisfied The world is a magnificent place for those who give it the time of day Aish can only adjust the mic stand yeah yeah yeah that’s trigonometry done
Go-Pro vertigo as commotion scroll through Dante’s Inferno is it possible to get seasick on a moored boat? Back of the van! I have a dirty finger you regurgitate your animal like a tapeworm pulling it between your teeth more women will have the guts, their vibrations will roar
(shouted) lettuce, lettuce, lettuce
we really need to make a list shoe news, new shoes! tip tappity tap I’m swimming in my own lane
The wind blew wild as the cat and the dog chased the mouse through the woods – while the tree swayed no one seemed to notice the man on the bike, dressed as a Zebra
I can’t believe another lady took a shit on the floor at 9.30 am
Overcaffeinated Princess Leia chats shit backstage while waiting for her cue at the village panto
When Darth Vader was the dame I never did master the art of the gag reflex on his “microphone of love” – he’d say, “as anyone seen my “Barbie?” Even my Grandma does burpees. Oh, she’s like fish with a coral allergy!
My cat makes an excellent meringue with her moles! Deep underground, coming up when they hear a sound, from all around.
Last week, kneeling on the cocktail bar with my fingers down my throat, I thought, how darling, how Y2K, how B-Lister in a black dress and Giotto Turbo Maxi Bob was in it saying “I wanna stick it up your jacksy in a minute!” and “All I need is another man to break the law!”
I was hoping to be inspired in the toilet. I wandered lonely as a cloud savouring memories of mammaries rarely found. Summer’s earth doth seldom claim the frigid mirth of my worn name… It’s like they took the embodiment of literature and made it take a piss behind the lonely fucking curtain. Shit! It’s time. Somebody got the shouty man.
Jasmine
In all these falling scraps of paper, what words can we manage to catch? A girl from Ecuador blowing cigarette smoke into her best friend’s tear-gassed eyes. Wild jasmine: approximate burning time 25 hours. A cormorant alights the ship, confused by the pretty lights. The dead cling to my skin like rain-sodden silk. Leo’s full moon, new transit for Pluto. Bright burn with realisations – I pray it’s done How was it? she asks and the stars shuddered as one.
Everyone say glove I really dropped the ball today – wonder if anyone will notice I am flippantly tossing tables as the barman pours another whiskey shot – sing to me Do you like guacamole? I am scaling furniture when the beds break I’m carbon dating my journals Mr Blobby, dead at 53 Paul’s being a poopy poop Mouldy bananas Bodies of water Paul loves wrestling Not very relatable is it My glasses are a shield and I can’t take them off After sixteen years of appropriate onstage attire the Satellite team finally stopped mentioning the nudity rule A rainbow flag runs up the stairs
*******************************
Cold nights drawing in reflected in dark waters We are finger bitten Afloat in a sea of memories I am out of words. I have scraped the jar clean, licked the lid, and sit here full and silent.
Some mornings your room is a rain cloud My old boots are letting the puddles in The pillow cradles my skull and forms a crucible for my dreams Are we nearly dead yet? Darkness on the quay Ghost-gulls fly and lights are reflected in the water The pre-loved bin bags of Halloween rustle ominously in the gloaming First time jitters once again Her dress was made of music Sparkling lights water my eyes The boat turned poets into angels with bright halos Inspiration, community, friendships, and smiles. All afloat on this boat.
Out of context seagulls (a one-way conversation with Shrek)
SHREK! You crushed the last piece of my shattered heart. Little did you know you lost a strong girl. I’d pay £1,200 for a new mic stand or an exorcist and I still think contactless is magic. SHREK! There’s an out-of-context seagull troubling the roof of an urban semi. My cat is awesome. Speak your truth, Eric! The fun is in the egg TOMATOES. MIC DROP
I live in a dustbin littered with gold You can tell its art-my Grandfather said- because there are no people in it I was watching Line of Duty
Drop, beat, drop, beat, drop
Time flies The beautiful smallness you feel when gazing up at the sky and realising, somewhere up there, is a boat that never moves Its behind you
Drop, beat, drop, beat, drop
Love is a verb Gravy Clit Ramen Telling talk from mutter is like telling Stork from butter
Drop, beat, drop, beat, drop
On the bad days, please read this Your legacy is not yours- I think about profiting from your death more than I probably should
Lou Reed- As I entered a lock on my Satellite of Love !!! narrow boat xx I am begging Mars to write a line, I tell them, the poem needs them, he needs you satellite circling a satellite of love.
There once was a man from Nantucket Who often thought well then (……………NO, NO I’m not going there!)
Peace to all here tonight The whole world is in our hands Newspapers all tell us the Earth is dying, but really its hoping and sighing. Light-hearted skipping souls This paper is sodden as is my heart Whilst cultivating exclusively coloured socks just for you.
The Zebra’s tonsils swung like a metronome click-clacking- And, what’s more, the gull that shat on my head, on the way to the show, did not stop me from reading a poem. We bade farewell, with a bourgeois bon soir- I blew a kiss, it missed!
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