Category: Community Poem Archive

July 2025

Hehe Haha! I know nothing about poetry.
I came with no expectations, an open heart and an open mind. 2 drinks, amazing conversations, I’m glad of what I could find. – An occult sacrifice of 3 dead rats, floating in a food waste bin.

Live. Laugh. Die young.
But you know what they say, it’s better to be pissed off, than pissed on.
Oh! We’re out of loo roll, I guess it’s the bucket again…

Never ask a penguin the time, they lie.
The professional bios were stolen by a pigeon outside?
The owl and the pussycat want for a pea.

She said – for the hundredth time- Time is elastic, but nobody listened.
She said she’s like a potato, best when baked and smashed.
This above all to thine own self be true.

I wore booty shorts, and now my arse is sticking to the seats.
And in this room, my fire caught heart…
I can’t remember life before the turd that wouldn’t flush.

Sometimes somethings are wonderful.
Today I saw a dog, running down the road, pulling the cafe chair its lead had been tied to. The wings of a shot arrow will not always reach the bird that has already discovered flight.

I’m a cosmic little brat
I wish people would give me free drugs.
Mercury is in Lucozade.

Ozzy, Ozzy, you made us all laugh when you wore your wife’s cozzy, because she’d hidden yours. The world is in ruins and it’s all my fault. My head is my only house unless it rains.

I spoke the truth, but ai forgot to say it quietly. My notes app could be used against me in a murder case:
Smothering a ladybug to death with your tits is arguably something you never fully recover from.

Anyone seen Alan?
You are the right side of annoying.
Alone in a room with a half used role of cellotape hanging in mid air.

Be gay, do crime, get drunk.
Look at this cunty lemon drizzle.
Not even the rain, has such small hands.

Use the shoe rack, don’t use the shoe rack. Make your mark life after dark
Spotlight on the small shards of bone making my skillfully sewn costume unbearable.

I haven’t submitted verse, because I spent all my time drawing. Go to Manchester for one night, then go to Belgium for 3-4 nights. My pussy stinks like cat food, but it’s nothing compared to my attitude.

Father dusk eat the mango.
I will not die your daughter.
At the end of it all, passion young fever.

EVER TRIED? EVER FAILED? NO MATTER. TRY AGAIN. FAIL AGAIN. FAIL BETTER.
I fear this may be the end of this cold charade, for I cannot stand another night.
Fall into the earth, meet a merry possum.

Community Poem June 2025

Proper Silly Bollocks

My whole existence is flawed
Dreams are shit mate! (whilst squatting)
Memory remembers to forget what it knew
I’ve been learning to swim on Duolingo
I like a man with appropriate legs
I watched a woman on the bus finish reading, then fold up her book in bubblewrap
I keep manifesting my cat can talk
I’m late diagnose awesome (spin around)
But first, I need a wee
It wasn’t clear if I followed through
luckily, we don’t have a blame culture

They scraped me off the pavement and put the finest dancing shoes on me
Hey now, you’re an all star, get your game on, go play
Ra ra ah-ah-ah, ram-ah, ra-ah-ah, gaga oo-la-la, want your bad romance

I’m chopping carrots in the kitchen
Thinking about the small tragedy of the wrong-flavoured icecream
Imagining playing cluedo, but all the murder weapons are seashells
What would nanny plum do?
Don’t compromise when you can be comfortable, she’d say
the black mould on your rented bedroom wall whispers and sings you lullabies of decay

Oh, to be a dog with it’s head out the car window
Oh, how much of something do you read before it becomes a collection?
Oh,  I birthed my orange cat
Oh, how I love my cat lalalalala ok ok ok ok ok
Oh, if you pass me the crisps, you won’t get a kiss
Oh, this is proper silly bollocks.

Lines donated by the audience at the May Satellite

A splash of water awakens my soul,
You can’t control the bird song,
How does your garden grow?
The grass eats my soul.

Charged for an uber which didn’t arrive.
When she came, She made no sound…
Do you like my bracelet it says boobs?

Sometimes Mario needs a power up to defeat Bowser, Sometimes it’s shrooms.

I refuse to improve my handwriting
The world needs more shit love poems
Wash out your mouth with words

Freya is a Cunty Gorl (Gru)
It gets me every time
H-O-T-T-O-G-O

I often wonder what would happen if all poetry was shit?
How much misery can an audience take before laughing?
I’m really sorry for your pain But it made great art.

I have scheduled my mental breakdown
for September, there will be a day, a night, and a …

The power to put words into someone else’s mouth.
When I see a women I give them a standing ovulation.

Get out of my swamp!
Put your butt to the moon,
Fuck the patriarchy.

Can I be a chicken tender? I hardly know her.
Why was university not like pitch perfect?
I want a hot ginger in my shower!

Starships are meant to fly
Who knew pasta was so sapphic and sexy?
Alan, let us know who you are!
Then write a poem or piss off.

I’m in love with Bradley Taylor!

May your microphone stand never be flacid!
Your favourite dinosaur is wrong
If I was a dog what kind would I be?
Unsettled, bloated but content-ish
Bee’s Be buzzing, rainbows be raining, ‘What a pain it is to be alive’
YAH thank fuck for aspirin 
Lemon, banana, egg yolk, sunflower sunshine, hay, butter, cornflakes
Match latte tastes like grass and I love grass
Wicked and glad
Which hole did all these yellow Tories (Lib Dem) crawl out of
Oh for fuck sake, was it right or left Nigel (Shouted)
My my my. Aren’t you a lovely recession indicator
Cut it with 100% endurance
John Titch the halfwit leaning
Who the fuck is Alan?
I love you 
O temptress, let me lay flowers at your feet
But cut your fucking toenails
Rock
Jesus walked on liquid butter
Fell like tears of a dying god
I’m starting to use the (gaeilge) word Ispint for sausages. 
Every word of Irish is a bullet back to the (Brits- crossed out) coloniser
Your skin on mine feels like…
Like smoke curling up from the hollow anus of a recently cremated badger
I really hoped I wouldn’t lose hope

Helen Sheppard Reads The Community Poem

Catalytic Converter For Sale

Blackthorne is the Wrongbow, Thatchers rules!
One drink away from being an overly-ambitious power bottom
Yet in the tunnels of love, I will choo choo should
you need the shove.

A low January sun and everything is edged in light
head buzzing like a broken fridge
Unhand me at once you buffoon!
Somewhere a lemon is growing

I saw the cat with something
she said  paint me like one of you French girls
red-raw like the table cloths

Hand dryer eclipsing the words of the bards
mustn’t mute the muntering Munson
snog the mic so it picks you up.

Lurchers? They’re always plotting something
don’t be a hero, be a massive twat, Elon Musk salute
were I a brew crew crusty my dog upon a rope

I’d like to learn more languages
not eat your viral sandwiches.
If Welsh is the answer what is the question?
Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Mary Berry is crocheting a beanie in a sex dungeon.